9 in 10 parents say romance takes a hit after having kids, study finds

The study found that 94% of parents don’t go out with their partner as much as they’d like, and nearly a third (29%) admit they haven’t had a “date night” in over six months.

Shockingly, for some couples, it’s been so long they can’t even remember their last date.

When time alone does happen, it’s fleeting, with over half of parents confessing they talk about their kids within five minutes of being on a date.

Yet, many acknowledge that spending quality time as a couple benefits not just their relationship but their parenting too.

What’s stopping parents from dating?

The survey, which polled over 300 UK parents, found the top obstacles to date nights were a lack of childcare (cited by 55% of parents), money concerns (24%), and sheer exhaustion (13%).

Nicola, a 40-year-old mum from Maidenhead, shared her experience:

Before becoming a parent, my husband and I did lots of things together. Since our son was born 4.5 months ago, we haven’t done anything just the two of us. I didn’t realise how hard and daunting it would be just to leave the house with the baby, let alone organise a babysitter.

The survey also revealed that less than a quarter of parents (23%) had managed to plan a date night in the last month. Meanwhile, a staggering 15% admitted it had been over a year since their last evening out together.

For many parents, the idea of romance has shifted since becoming a mum or dad. Katy, 38, from Tonbridge, Kent, said she and her husband now prioritise family experiences:

Our birthdays are close together, so we try and do something without the children around that time of year. But usually, we spend time together as a family. We should probably prioritise going out more, but it takes planning. Babysitting is tricky—we rely on my parents, but having more local options would help. When we do go out, it’s always nice to talk about something other than the house or the kids, even if just for a little while.

Romance after kids: finding the balance

Despite the challenges, many parents understand the importance of reconnecting with their partner. The study found that 87% of parents feel having time alone with their partner makes them a better parent.

Psychologist Dr Maryhan Munt explains:

As parents, we want to model healthy relationships for our children, which includes spending quality time as a couple. Maintaining our identities beyond parenthood strengthens connection, improves communication, and reduces stress. Planning and prioritising time together, even if it lacks spontaneity, can make a big difference.

The ‘Valentine’s Day Effect’

Interestingly, the survey also showed that parents are four times more likely to celebrate Valentine’s Day before having children compared to after. Two-thirds (66%) of respondents said they marked the occasion pre-kids, but just 17% make plans now.

Ari Last, founder of Bubble, says the findings reflect the reality of modern parenting:

It’s easy for romance to take a back seat after having kids—there are so many competing priorities. But alone time isn’t just good for parents, it’s good for families. Whether it’s using a babysitter, swapping favours with other parents, or just getting creative with time at home, it’s important to make that effort. Keeping the spark alive doesn’t have to mean grand gestures; even small moments of connection can go a long way.

How to make time for romance as a parent

Struggling to schedule date nights? Here are some expert tips:

• Plan ahead: Spontaneity might be a thing of the past, but booking a sitter or scheduling a date in advance ensures it happens.
• Enlist help: Whether it’s grandparents, friends, or apps like Bubble, finding trusted childcare makes all the difference.
• Start small: A quick coffee date or a stroll without the kids can be just as meaningful as a night out.
• Recreate date nights at home: Order a takeaway, light some candles, and turn off the TV for a change.

While the realities of parenthood can make romance feel like an afterthought, carving out time for your relationship—even in small ways—can make a world of difference for both you and your family.

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