Why saying “be careful” might actually be making your child less safe

But while it’s a natural way to try and keep our children safe, parenting experts now suggest that this go-to warning might not be as helpful as we think – and could even make kids more anxious, less responsive and more likely to ignore real danger when it counts.

Why “be careful” doesn’t always work

Speaking to Parade magazine, Deena Margolin, a licensed therapist and co-host of the popular parenting podcast Big Little Feelings, explains: “When we say, ‘Be careful,’ all the time on repeat, it just starts to mean nothing to them… it isn’t specific enough.”

In other words, it’s a bit like background noise – our kids hear it, but they don’t know what we actually want them to do.

That, Margolin says, can be especially risky when something genuinely dangerous is happening.

Her podcast co-host, parenting coach Kristin Gallant, agrees.

When you follow your kid around and go, ‘Be careful, be careful,’ suddenly when there’s a hot stove or a car coming, they’re tuning you out. So the dangerous thing is happening and they’re like, ‘Whatever.’

The unintended side effect: anxiety

As well as being ineffective, constantly cautioning kids can also ramp up anxiety, say the experts.

But how can we teach them to really be careful without making them nervous or fearful?

The goal, Margolin explains, is to help children learn to assess risk, build confidence and feel safe exploring the world around them – not to become fearful of every new experience.

So what should we say instead?

Gallant and Margolin offer a fresh approach: replacing the vague “be careful” with more specific, empowering prompts.

These should help children become aware of their surroundings and make their own decisions – key life skills that begin right from toddlerhood.

Here are their favourite alternatives, and why they work:

• “Look down where you’re stepping” – Helps your child become aware of potential tripping hazards
• “Hold on tightly with your hands” – Gives a clear physical cue that feels doable
• “What’s your plan here?” – Encourages your child to think critically before acting
• “Do you see how close you are to the edge?” – Gently draws attention to danger without panic
• “Say ‘help’ if you need my help” – Empowers kids to assess when they need support
• “Do you feel safe?” – Promotes emotional awareness and bodily autonomy
• “How can your hands and your feet help you here?” – Connects mind and body in problem-solving
• “Notice how slippery the rocks are before you step” – Focuses attention on specific, real risks

By giving your child specific instructions or asking thoughtful questions, you’re doing more than just keeping them safe – you’re helping them learn how to keep themselves safe.

“It really allows them to tune in and make a plan for themselves,” says Margolin. Over time, that builds independence, decision-making skills and confidence – all crucial for childhood development.

You don’t need to ditch “be careful” entirely – sometimes, it might be the only thing you can get out mid-panic. But where you can, try swapping it for something more specific and constructive.

With a few small tweaks, our everyday language can make a big difference in helping our kids grow into capable, confident little humans – and that’s something worth paying attention to.

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