Blogger's powerful C-section post: "At the time I felt less of a mum because I didn't push her out"
'There was a rational part of my brain saying, ‘It doesn’t matter how she arrived, she’s alive.’ However, there was also a louder non-rational part that harboured feelings of guilt and inferiority'?
However you 'do' childbirth, here at MFM, we don't think there are any easy options. Labour can be tough; however you do it, there's no denying having a baby puts your body through a lot.
And so this Facebook post, from blogger Sophie Lilley, aka Tired 'n' Tested - questioning some people's ideas about a C-section as being an 'easy option' - really struck a chord with us.
Sophie starts by recalling a recent convo with a friend, not yet a parent, who joked she'd being going for the 'easy way' of childbirth and having a caesarean - and it got Sophie asking one question...
'Is C-section really the 'easy way out'...?'
Addressing her friend's comment Sophie writes:
"Now I don’t blame her for this mentality in the slightest (even though I replied with a middle finger emoji) – it’s just one of those misconceptions people have before they find themselves in a certain situation.
"There seems to be an odd assumption that having a C-section is some sort of magical and pain-free alternative to natural childbirth. Granted, if it’s planned you can eliminate contraction pains and a lot of the vomit / poo indignity that goes with a natural labour – but you still have to undergo major surgery… AWAKE (in most cases).
"Yes, there’s a big blue sheet - but what the heck is happening on the other side of it?! Two people rummaging in your trunk as though they’ve lost their phone down the back of a sofa cushion, is unpleasant at best.
"And once it’s over, and you’ve gone through the horror of not being able to feel your legs for a couple of hours – what then? Well, regardless of it being planned or emergency – everyone is still very much in the same painful, catheter, and bloodied surgical stocking filled boat.
'Post-delivery packs its own share of problems'
"Yes, there may be some who are ‘too posh to push’ - but no one is too posh for a suppository in the bum once that anaesthetic wears off. FACT.
"Post-delivery packs its own share of problems too… breastfeeding, changing nappies, and picking up a crying child is tricky when you can hardly move your own body. I personally struggled having a conversation with my father-in-law as my wee trickled into a bag next to his foot – awkward to say the least.
"A C-section is also one of the few major operations you’ll have where less than 24 hours after going under the knife, you’re hurled out of bed and sent for a walk and a shower. You’ve got a child to look after woman, no time for laying around and feeling sorry for yourself. Brutal.
"Along with physical damage (can we all say ‘C-section shelf’) – there’s also mental trauma, as with any form of birth. The photograph with this post is now one of my favourites, but it didn’t used to be… It used to be a memento of my failings… a reminder that I hadn’t done things ‘properly.’
'I....harboured feelings of guilt and inferiority'
"Yeah I went there… 'Properly'? Blooming ridiculous, I know. At the time, there was a rational part of my brain saying, ‘It doesn’t matter how she arrived, she’s alive.’ However, there was also a louder non-rational part that harboured feelings of guilt and inferiority.
"Although my husband and I now joke and high-five about being ‘honeymoon fresh’ - at the time I definitely felt less of a mum because I didn’t push her out of my faff, or experience the ‘burning ring of fire’ (apologies to anyone who now has Johnny Cash stuck in their head).
'If everyone comes out healthy, happy and alive - who cares?'
"Reflectively - if nature had done as it intended my children and I wouldn’t be here, so what’s the point in feeling guilty about that? I should feel lucky, and now I finally do.
"Hate to be the bearer of bad news folks, but I’ve come to the conclusion there’s no easy way to birth… What goes up must come down, albeit nine months later and slightly heavier - there’s just no getting away from pain, scars, complications, and hefty dose of indignity… But if everyone comes out of it healthy, happy and alive - who really cares?"
Pic: Sophie Lilley on Facebook
What do you think?
Luckily, with hindsight, Sophie came to see she had no need whatsoever to feel in any way guilty or inferior for having a C-section, and that the main thing was she and her baby were safe.
But unfortunately it's not the first time we've read about mums feeling like this. For example, Marina Fogle, wife of Ben Fogle, revealed she felt judged by other mums for having a C-section.
If you had a caesarean - planned or emergency - can you relate to what Sophie or Marina have said? Tell us in the comments below or over on Facebook
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Authors
Tara is mum to 1 daughter, Bodhi Rae, and has worked as Content Editor and Social Media Producer at MadeForMums since 2015
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