Mum blogger: I feel so invisible after becoming a mum

And it definitely struck a chord with the team here.

She shared:

"One day I started wearing 1 earring. Now anyone that knows me would also know this isn’t something I would usually do, turns out that it took 7 months for anyone to notice I was only wearing 1 earring.

"7 months worth of social interactions, and no one ever looked me square in the face and noticed.

"It sort of cemented to me that as mum of then 2 children under 2 who was always out and about, who "just stayed at home" or "didn't work" I had just about become invisible; not just to society (who may not notice or be curious why just 1 earring), but to my family, to my friends and really maybe if I am truly honest even to myself.”

She also touched on how talking on the phone became a list of ‘how is everyone else?’ - except herself.

"Often my phone conversations (when and if I managed to have them) with family and friends would be "How are the children? How is the husband?" with our conversation then taking its natural flow of where it was going.

"Very rarely did anyone ask how I was. When I think about it now my guess would be everyone probably just figured if the people it was my responsibility to care for were ok, then I must be.”

Eventually, she realised that not letting her all-consuming role as parent consume her identity as a person, too, was a huge challenge.

"I realised in that 7 months that I didn’t want to be invisible, not in my mind and not anyone else’s.

"It’s hard when you have spent your whole life connecting your identity to what you do, the career you built, where you have been and where you are going.

"The shift to realigning yourself as you transition to motherhood can be tough. To take a love that is all-consuming and not let the role consume you is difficult.”

Now, one member of the MFM team, who isn’t a mum, admits she thinks the catch-up call thing is pretty universal.

But she has noticed that her mum, in particular, answers the question ‘how are you?’ with ‘this person’s fine, that person’s fine,’ and forgets to mention how she’s feeling in herself until prompted again.

And MFMer Dominique R, who has a 5-year-old daughter, also shares:

“I definitely feel as though a bit of me is ‘lost’ after having a baby – or maybe it’s just that things have changed.

"I’m called ‘Jessie’s mum’ all the time! None of my daughter’s friends know my name, which is fair enough – but a lot of the parents don’t either. I think it’s the same for most of us.

“To be honest though, it doesn’t bother me too much – everyone goes through different phases in life, and at the moment, the ‘mum’ role is the focal one for me.

"I just make sure I keep doing the stuff I loved doing before I had a baby, whenever I can. I think that’s really important.”

One MFM team member had the exact same experience, too.

“My name became invisible when I became a mum, particularly once my children started at nursery. I found I had a new name, one that attached me to my children, eg ‘Tom’s mum’.

"And then, when my children had playdates, their friends would often call me it too. Even at the school gates, some of the mums in the class would address each other like this.

"To me, it felt like a loss of a part of my identity.”

We reckon the key to unlocking the invisibility cloaks shackled around our necks is simple, but effective.

Remembering the occasional ‘how are you feeling?’ or ‘how are you getting on?’ when you’re talking to a family member, friend, or even a mum on the playground who looks a bit down, and letting them talk for a little bit, can work wonders ?

And we ? Dom’s suggestion, too - making sure you give yourself a bit of ME time to reconnect with what makes you tick.

Cos if you don’t prioritise it, no one else will.

???

Images: Facebook/Anastasia Anigianni

Do you ever feel or have you ever felt invisible as a mum? How did you combat that? Let us know on Facebook, or in the comments below.

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Elizabeth Atkin

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