10 things new mums don’t want to hear (ever!)

How long after the birth can you get back to the gym?

Even if you’re normally an ardent gym bunny, this is NOT a welcome statement. In one fail swoop, it basically says you look like you need to hit the gym fast and putting it off is a bad idea. Add in a screaming baby and they might as well pour soup down your only clean top, just to cap it off.

Are you planning on having any more?

This is completely off point when you’re busy learning to cope with your first baby. If they’d seen how fast you lunged for the post-birth contraception leaflet, they wouldn’t need to ask.

They’ll be off to university before you know it!

Whether you went to university or not, franky you don’t even want to consider the idea of your precious new baby getting up to the things you did at that age. Let's get them off to nursery first, eh?

My baby was sleeping through at 3 months

Fantastic, lay the my-baby-is-better-than-yours gauntlet down. It’s hard enough being a new mum, let alone being told you’re not doing it right. You’re not going to worry about it, though, not for one minute, are you…

That’s your nights out cancelled for the next 18 years

Haven’t they heard of babysitters? You know you’re going to spend years worrying about leaving your baby behind on a night out or worrying when they go out, but mums do see daylight. Have they not seen some of Madonna’s jolly jaunts?

When’s your baby due?

Ouch. Lily Allen experienced this whopper. Are they trying to make you cry? Granted, it’s sometimes hard to tell and there’s the whole is-she-isn’t she on public transport. We say, give a woman your seat anyway and don’t ask if you’re not sure.

You’ve got something on your top

Between your boobs leaking, baby spitting up and half-hearted attempts to get ready, there’s probably stuff in your hair, too. We do care, but we’re too exhausted to do anything about it. So for now, let the stains (goo, gunk and crusty bits) be.

Cor, he’s a big boy isn’t he

Having given birth to him you know exactly how much he weighs. Down to the last pound as it goes. Would they like you to show them your seventeen stitches? No, didn’t think so.

Bet you’re up at the crack of dawn

You’re probably awake before dawn has even thought about cracking and a few more times before then. It doesn’t need to be pointed out.

You have your say…

“From the older generations – every time he cried, 'He must have tummy ache!'" Jenny Taylor via Facebook

You have your say…

“I think one of the worst was my father-in-law asking if I’d ‘enjoyed giving birth in a pool’ – not too unreasonable I suppose, except it was in the middle of a dinner party!" Claire Palmer via Facebook

You have your say…

"Parents with older children stating, 'Well if you think that’s bad, wait until they are toddlers, you don’t know how easy you have it now!' Even if it’s true, there is no need to tell me that things are going to get worse!!!” Rebecca Clarke via Facebook

You have your say…

"Three days after my daughter was born I was having my nails done in an attempt to feel better after my hospital imprisonment! And the nail tech (a bloke) asked when my next one was due! How quickly are we expected to get back in shape?" Amy Johnson via Facebook

You have your say…

“'She’s going to be a nightmare!' – She is 10 months, just started walking and cutting teeth, but other than that she’s just a busy girl learning her boundaries." Sarah Bryden-Smith via Facebook