A single parents' guide to child contact arrangements

Going through a divorce or separation when you have children can bring additional stress and complexity to an already challenging time. However, nearly a quarter of UK families are headed by a single parent, so there's a huge network out there and plenty of support if you know where to look.

When you take your first steps into life as a single parent there are several important factors to consider and get sorted quickly for the interest of your whole family. One of the first things you'll want to get in place is a child arrangement order (how a child’s time is divided between parents).

So if you're wondering how to create a child arrangement order that works both practically and emotionally for everyone, where to go for help if communication breaks down or there are safeguarding issues and where find support, read on.

Child contact arrangements

While no parent wants to be away from their children for long, it’s crucial to set aside personal emotions when working out contact arrangements.

Nik Shaw, a family lawyer and founder of Legally Nik on Instagram, advises, “Ensure that personal issues between you and your ex remain separate from the relationship they have with the children you share. This will undoubtedly be challenging."

You’ll need to navigate difficult situations, establish boundaries in ways you never anticipated, and maintain focus on shielding your children from the emotional turbulence. Strive to keep them safe and dry, no matter how strong the storm.

Even if personal differences exist, remember your children likely have a loving bond with both parents. Denying access for personal reasons only harms them in the long run.

A 50:50 contact arrangement can be a good starting point, but every family is different. Some thrive with equal time, while others have one parent doing the majority of the childcare during the week, with the other having alternative weekends and holidays.

Through conversations with other single parents, you’ll see that contact arrangements vary widely. Some co-parents develop flexible plans, while others turn to the family court for a formal order.

Nik emphasises that every family’s journey is unique, but what’s crucial is keeping stability for the kids. “Unless there are serious safeguarding issues, there’s no reason children shouldn’t have regular and consistent contact with both parents.”

Gingerbread, the single parents' charity, offers fantastic advice on how to communicate with a co-parent effectively.

How to establish a child contact arrangement for your family

There are many different approaches to establishing a child contact arrangement with a co-parent. Here are some key steps to help guide you through the process.

Parenting Plans

Parenting Plans are not legally binding but they are a helpful way for co-parents, who communicate well together, to work out the practical aspects of co-parenting. This can include decisions about contact arrangements, education, healthcare, finances (related to the child), travel arrangements and handovers.

You can fill out an online Parenting Plan through the CAFCASS website or download a copy to your computer.

Mediation

If you and your ex-partner find it difficult to communicate or agree on a parenting plan, using a trained mediator can be a helpful and cost-effective next step. Mediators are trained to ensure both parties have a chance to speak and keep the conversation focused on finding the best solution for everyone involved. They won’t offer legal advice but they can direct you to the right resources if needed.

Nik adds that a mediator’s neutral stance can "help facilitate discussions and work toward a healthier resolution. Mediation is often the first recommended step in such situations unless there is an exemption, such as abuse within the relationship.

"It’s worth noting that without attending a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, which usually refers to the first meeting), the Family Court is likely to require you to attempt mediation before proceeding.

"The goal is to save money, time and valuable court resources while striving for a resolution that benefits everyone involved, particularly the children.”

Once an agreement is reached, the mediator will create a document called a memorandum of understanding for you both to refer to.

To find a mediator in your area visit Family Mediation Council

Pros

• Cheaper and quicker than going to court.
• Great if you're amicable with your ex but can’t agree on certain issues.
• Mediation can be done in person or online.

Cons

• You cannot force the other party to attend mediation.
• The memorandum of understanding is not legally binding.
• Not recommended if you’ve experienced domestic, emotional or financial abuse.

Mediation Costs
Mediation usually costs around £500, depending on how long the process takes. However, the government runs a Family Mediation Voucher Scheme that offers eligible separating couples up to £500 towards mediation costs. The scheme runs until March 2026.

Solicitors

If communication breaks down between you and your ex, a solicitor can advise on the best way forward. They may suggest a meeting with your ex’s solicitor to help resolve any outstanding issues. Keep in mind that legal fees for this kind of support can be expensive and ongoing.

Family Arbitration

Family arbitration is similar to mediation, but all parties agree to appoint a neutral arbitrator who listens to both sides and makes an impartial decision.

Once the arbitrator reaches a decision it goes through the court to make it legally binding, though, like with the court, you can appeal the final decision.

For more information, visit: Arbitration or Family Law Arbitration

Pros

• Legally binding decision.
• Offers flexibility in proceedings.
• Cheaper and quicker than court.
• Can resolve most child arrangement issues, as well as finance and property disputes.

Cons

• Legal aid is not available for family arbitration.
• Costs can be higher than mediation.

Family Court

If none of the above methods resolve your child arrangement dispute, you may need to take the matter to family court. You’ll need to have attended at least one mediation session before applying for a court order (except in cases of domestic abuse, where mediation is not required).

Family courts encourage out-of-court resolutions, but if that's not possible, they will issue a legally binding child arrangement order, outlining who the child will stay with and when.

Family court can be time-consuming, expensive and stressful, so many solicitors advise trying to avoid it if possible. Depending on your circumstances, you may be eligible for legal aid.

Pros

• A legally binding agreement will be made.

Cons

• Time-consuming.
• You may not get the outcome you expect.

Whatever your arrangement, a child-centred approach is always what’s best to focus on. If you have any safeguarding concerns regarding the other parent, please seek proper advice from the NSPCC. Action for Children also offers advice on its website.

Getting help as a single parent

It is important to seek professional advice when dealing with issues involving your children. While friends and family may mean well, they often tell you what you want to hear. "It is crucial to seek guidance from an independent legal professional to truly understand your position and the rights of your children," says Nik.

"While you may not need to act on their advice immediately, knowledge is power – so equip yourself with the information needed to navigate this journey with confidence.”

Pics: Getty Images

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