Hot flushes and homework: How to survive parenting while going through perimenopause
What happens when menopause meets motherhood? Katie Taylor, author of Midlife Matters and perimenopausal mother to 4 teenagers, shares how to talk to your kids about the change, juggle clashing hormones—and stay sane when everyone's having a meltdown
The average age that a woman gives birth to her first child in the UK has been increasing every year since the 1970s and currently stands at 32, according to the most recent stats from the ONS1. With so many more opportunities in education, the workplace and a desire to enjoy everything life has to offer before babies, it's no surprise the age has risen.
But what happens when you've had your babies in your 30s or 40s and they're still young children or teenagers when you start experiencing your first symptoms of perimenopause or menopause? Perimenopause usually starts for women in their mid 40s, an age when many women still have kids, often teenagers, at home – and when perimenopause meets puberty that's a lot of hormones flying around one house!
To help you navigate the chaos of mood swings, night sweats and school runs while going through one of life's most unpredictable changes, we spoke to Katie Taylor, author of Midlife Matters and founder of The Latte Lounge, which provides supports for women going through perimenopause and menopause. Here are her top survival tips for perimenopausal parents...
1. Put yourself first
"Factor time in for YOU. There are a lot of people who rely on you, so you need to feel as well, as strong and as happy as you can be to support everyone who loves you.
"Self-care is not selfish, it is vital as we cannot look after all those that rely on us unless we are firing from all cylinders. So make sure you include some time to walk in nature, meet up with a friend/family member, look after your nutrition and find ways to destress – be that reading a book, having a bath, going for a swim/bike ride/run/yoga class etc.
And if you need to talk to someone in the same boat, join The Latte Lounge Facebook group where you can connect and feel supported by and with like-minded women."
2. Initiate change at work and home
"If you are working full time and are struggling in the workplace then ask what adjustments they can make, perhaps flexi-working/working from home more, especially if you haven’t slept much the night before.
"Be a menopause campaigner/champion in the workplace – know your rights (there's a chapter in my book about this) and talk to your employer about how they can support you to stay in your job.
"If you have a partner, ask them to help more with the kids when you are having a tough day/hour/week. Leave Midlife Matters open on the Menopause chapter on a coffee table so that your family can read and re-read what you are going through!"
3. Tell your family what you're going through
"Be totally open and honest. Obviously it will depend on the age of your children but those in secondary school and above should be able to understand.
"I would find a quiet and calm time to sit down with the entire family and explain that you are going through perimenopause or menopause and what that means is that your hormone levels are fluctuating, which can result in a range of symptoms that can have an impact on your physical and mental health.
"When I was going through perimenopause I experienced extremely low mood, insomnia, brain fog, exhaustion and loss of joy. I would encourage your family to read the list of symptoms on page 17 of the book and explain to them how they can help you and what you need from them. For example, if you have had very little sleep and are struggling with the demands of your family life, ask your family to help you with the various chores that need doing and/or to give you some time out for a rest."
4. Focus on things you can control
"When I was going through my most troubling symptoms of perimenopause aged 43-47 I had four teenage kids. It was incredibly challenging as all of our hormones collided at the same time and it became quite an explosive/pressure cooker type environment.
"Thank goodness for my husband who is the most level headed, calm person I’ve ever met! However, joking aside, this is the reason why so many marriages can break down without the right support in place. The simple answer is that you can’t pour from an empty cup, and you also can’t do much about your kids' hormones, but you can do a lot about your own.
"Knowledge is power and I would advise that everyone fills out a symptom check list, which you can download here and read the resources and information in Midlife Matters and on our website. If you are struggling go and speak to your GP or a menopause specialist.
"HRT was a lifesaver for me and for most women who need and want it, it can help with pretty much all of those troubling symptoms. However, you'll also need to find time for resistance training to protect your bones and eat a nutritious gut-friendly diet that is appropriate for your age group. Plus, finding ways to reduce your stress and improve your sleep."
Midlife Matters by Katie Taylor and published by DK Red is available to buy here at Amazon.
About the author
Katie Taylor is a leading voice in the nationwide conversation around midlife and menopause. Motivated by her own debilitating experience of perimenopause and years of misdiagnosis, Katie founded her multi-award-winning platform The Latte Lounge, to provide support for all women's perimenopause, menopause, health and wellbeing needs. As well as appearing regularly on national media, Katie runs workshops to help increase awareness of menopause in the workplace and to ensure midlife women get the support they need.Pics: Getty Images
References:
1 Birth characteristics in England and Wales: 2022, Office for National Statistics