Parents ‘must stop trying to be their child’s friend’ over smartphone use, says children’s commissioner
Dame Rachel de Souza urges parents to rethink their own screen time and set firmer boundaries at home
Parents need to stop trying to be their child’s “friend” and start taking firmer control over smartphone use at home, according to England’s children’s commissioner.
In a strongly worded op-ed for The Sunday Times, Dame Rachel de Souza said that mums and dads should be prepared to make “difficult decisions” – including saying no to new devices and rethinking their own digital habits.
You are not supposed to be your child’s friend. Sometimes being the parent means making difficult decisions in your child’s long-term interests, no matter how loudly they disagree.
Tough love on tech: why De Souza is speaking out now
The comments follow growing concern about the impact of smartphones and social media on children’s mental health and development.
A recent YouGov poll commissioned by the children’s commissioner’s office found that nearly a quarter (23%) of children aged 8 to 15 spend more than four hours a day using a screen-based, internet-enabled device.
Dame Rachel, who has long advocated for safer online environments for children, warned that parents must model healthy digital behaviour and not shy away from difficult conversations about what their kids are seeing online.
As adults we are ourselves dopamine-addicted, stuck in a cycle of scrolling yet we still have no idea of what our children are seeing.
Smartphone rules already in schools – but home is the real battleground
While 99.8% of primary schools and 90% of secondary schools now restrict mobile phone use during the school day, De Souza stressed that schools “are only part of the solution”.
“Most of the time children spend on their phones is outside school hours – when they are in their parents’ care,” she noted, adding that headteachers remain “deeply concerned” about what students are exposed to online once they leave the school gates.
The government has issued non-statutory guidance recommending schools prohibit phone use throughout the school day, including breaks and lunch.
Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson is currently reviewing the impact of school bans, amid growing political debate over the role of government in tech regulation for minors.
Online harms need offline conversations
De Souza emphasised the importance of open, judgement-free discussions between parents and children about what they encounter online – even when the content is violent or sexual.
“We need parents to give their children the opportunities to talk about violent or sexual content they see online without simply having their device confiscated, because it will find them elsewhere,” she warned.
While De Souza has previously stopped short of calling for a blanket national ban on smartphones for children, she supports school-led restrictions and community-wide efforts to delay smartphone ownership.
The rising concern over screen time and mental health
Dame Rachel’s call to action comes amid growing alarm from experts and campaigners over the impact of smartphones on children’s mental health, development and daily lives.
Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, in his bestselling book The Anxious Generation, argues that the shift to a “phone-based childhood” has contributed to a global mental health crisis among young people. He identifies four key harms caused by early and excessive screen exposure: social deprivation, sleep disruption, attention fragmentation and addiction.
Haidt draws a direct link between the rise of smartphones and a dramatic increase in anxiety, depression and self-harm – particularly among girls – since 2010. He compares the tech industry’s approach to that of Big Tobacco, accusing platforms of designing addictive products that exploit children’s developmental vulnerabilities.
“These products were never tested for safety,” he writes, warning that screen-based childhoods are displacing face-to-face interaction and rewiring young brains in ways we’re only beginning to understand.
In the UK, that message is resonating far beyond academia. Screenwriter Jack Thorne, co-creator of the Netflix drama Adolescence, has backed the Smartphone Free Childhood (SFC) campaign – a fast-growing grassroots movement encouraging parents to delay giving smartphones to their children until at least the end of Year 9 (around age 14).
“I think SFC is a remarkable group and the parent pact is a remarkable idea,” said Thorne, who has an eight-year-old son. “I know it’s one that I’m going to engage in as our kid reaches the critical age of smartphone want. I am terrified of what comes next and think empowering parents is a vital ingredient in this struggle.”
For (the few) who haven't already binged, Adolescence explores the radicalisation of a teenage boy through online incel communities, and the devastating consequences when screen-fuelled misogyny goes unchecked. The drama has reignited debate around children’s digital access, with Prime Minister Keir Starmer even noting he had watched the show with his own children.
The SFC campaign – which started as a WhatsApp chat between three parents – has now received more than 100,000 pledges from families committing to delay smartphone ownership. Supporters include Paloma Faith, Benedict Cumberbatch and Emma Barnett, while entire school communities, such as those in St Albans, are trialling coordinated, phone-free approaches to childhood.
While some, like internet safety campaigner Ian Russell, have warned that age limits alone may not protect children from harmful content, the collective momentum behind campaigns like SFC suggests parents are increasingly ready to push back on what’s become the digital norm – and to do it together.
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Ruairidh is the Digital Lead on MadeForMums. He works with a team of fantastically talented content creators and subject-matter experts on MadeForMums.