Helicopter parenting: How it affects children's development

The term helicopter parenting is most often used in relation to baby boomer parents and Gen X parents, although of course you can find helicopter parents of all ages and in all generations, usually when people who are perfectionists or with anxious personalities have children.

But what exactly is helicopter parenting in practice and is it bad for children to be raised in this overprotective way? And, if you recognise yourself or your partner as a helicopter parent, is there anything you can do to avoid micromanaging your child? Our guide below covers everything from the reasons you might be a helicopter parent to the pros and cons of this parenting style. Now, when you've finished tying up your 12-year-old's shoelaces, here's everything you need to know about helicopter parenting...

What is helicopter parenting?

The definition of a helicopter parent is one who is "overly involved in the life of his or her child"¹ especially when it comes to education. Helicopter parents are usually extremely attentive to their children and worry about their children's experiences and problems when they're at school, in clubs or when interacting with other children. Imagine a helicopter hovering in the air – a helicopter parent does the same, just over the shoulder of their child instead.

Some examples of the sort of things a helicopter parent might do include: getting in the middle of their child's fights or disagreements with friends, micromanaging their child's schedule and filling it with clubs and extra-curricular activities, doing their child's homework or correcting their mistakes, not letting their kids do "dangerous" things like climbing to the top of the climbing frame, and always swooping in to stop their child making a mistake.

Helicopter parents often find it hard to cut the apron strings too, and are usually the parents you find hanging around at birthday parties, staying for play dates and constantly checking in on where their child is. All these traits add up to one undeniable fact: helicopter parents love their kids and care for them deeply, but research shows that overbearing parenting can have a negative impact on a child's mental health in the long term and can lead to anxiety and a lack in coping skills and ability to look after themselves.²

Common causes of helicopter parenting

So where did this parenting style come from and are some people more susceptible to becoming helicopter parents? It is thought that after the war the baby boomer generation started to pay a lot more interest in their children and pushed for them to go to university and make the most of the boom in industry, prosperity and opportunities. This interest only increased when Gen X had their own children.

However, it doesn't really matter which generation you were born in, because anyone can become a helicopter parent and there are some common triggers and causes that could set you off into parenting overdrive:

1. Personal experience: Parents who didn't feel loved or were largely ignored or neglected as children may try and overcompensate when they have their own kids. To show that they care and to make up for the love that they didn't experience they tend to involve themselves in every aspect of their child's life.
2. Anxiety: People who suffer from anxiety are more likely to become helicopter parents. Let's face it, having kids is stressful and anxiety-inducing even for the most stoic of people, but if you already worry about things beyond your control in life having children could set you off on a spiral of unease.
3. Unfulfilled ambition: Perhaps you didn't get the grades you think you could have, were on the C team in sport or didn't ever succeed in the career of your dreams? Parents who feel like they missed out on an opportunity or could have done better want to stop these feelings of disappointment for their kids and so often push hard to ensure they succeed.
4. Guilt: If you see another parent giving their child a lot of attention or opportunities it's easy to get sucked into the idea that you're not being a good enough parent if you're not doing the same. Parenting styles tend to go in cycles for this very reason – it's human nature to copy others who look like they know what they're doing!

The effects of helicopter parenting

Not all the effects of helicopter parenting are bad, but the term does get bad press due to a number of studies³ that have shown negative consequences for the offspring of overprotective parents. These include:

• A lack of self-esteem and confidence due to not being able to learn from their mistakes or complete tasks by themselves
• Increased anxiety and depression.
• The inability to regulate their emotions and a lack of coping skills due to their parents always sorting out their problems and disagreements for them.
• A sense of entitlement due to always getting things their own way.
• The inability to advocate for themselves because their parents have always done so for them.
• A lack of key life skills like managing their own schedules, making food and even tying their own shoelaces.

Benefits of helicopter parenting

If you recognise some of the helicopter parenting traits in yourself or your parents don't panic because it's not all bad news, especially when you remember that helicopter parenting usually comes from a place of love and care.

Children who have been raised by helicopter parents tend to have some excellent character traits such as being punctual, always prepared and diligent – if you give them a task, they'll do it to a tee. Children with helicopter parents will never experience feelings of neglect or being ignored. If they face any problems such as illness, mental health issues or being bullied these won't be overlooked by their attentive parents.

Tips to avoid helicopter parenting

There's a fine line to tread between loving and caring for your child and becoming over the top and smothering your child's individuality with helicopter parenting. It might feel difficult and uncomfortable at first, but if you find yourself being overbearing it's important to take a step back and recognise situations where you can let your child learn safely from their mistakes, try out a new skill (and maybe not succeed!) or learn to advocate for themselves.

Next time they don't get chosen for the A team, you might just have to accept there are children who are better players, or if they have a tiff with a friend, don't intervene and let them work it out for themselves.

Depending on their age, make a list of tasks they might be able to help you with around the house or activities they can do that don't involve you watching to check they're ok. And, while we know it's your job to keep them safe, maybe next time you're at the park let them go on that climbing frame. After all you won't always be there in the future to catch them if they fall.

Now just watch out for those snowplough parents...

Pics: Getty Images

References:

<sup>1. Definition of helicopter parent from Merriam-Webster.com
2. A Systematic Review of "Helicopter Parenting" and Its Relationship with Anxiety and Depression, Vigdal Js and Bronnick KK, 2022
3. Overparenting is associated with perfectionism in parents of young adults. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 2020; Segrin, C. et al. (2020)</sup>

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