Is there a 'right' age to stop bathing with your child?
When is a child too old to bathe with their parents? We got honest answers from more than 1,400 parents as well as expert advice from educational psychologist Naomi Burgess
For many of us, it's just part of our kids' everyday bedtime routine: you hop into the bath (or shower) with your child, splash about a bit together and then wrap everyone up in warm towels or dressing gowns before wrangling pyjamas onto small bodies and tucking them into bed. But what age is too old for bathing with Mum or Dad? And does that age make a difference if your child is a boy or a girl?
We know it's a topic that parents disagree on. Sometimes, pretty strongly! A while back, for example, Stacey Solomon got stick for revealing she was still bathing with her sons, then aged 9 and 5.
We polled 1,427 parents about this, asking them all these 2 questions:
- When would you stop bathing with your child, if they are the same sex as you?
- When would you stop bathing with your child, if they are the opposite sex to you?
Almost a quarter of our parent respondents said they never bathed with their child.
For the 75% of parents who did – or had - regularly bathed with their child, the most common answer when asked at what age they'd stop bathing with child of the same sex as them was:
- 5 years or not sure (both 9%)
- 4 or 6 years (both 6%)
- 8 years (5%)
And when we asked about bathing with child of the opposite sex to their parent, the most popular answers were similar, although the age cut off was slightly earlier:
- 5 years (10%)
- 3 or 4 years (7%)
- Under 2 years
What our parents said
When we probed further on this one, we got some really interesting comments. Lots of people said that once it was obvious your child is embarrassed or shy, then it's probably time to stop bathing with them – but the age when that happens varies.
As Natasha L said, "My son is 13 and I don't think we've shared a bath since he was 5 or 6 and got embarrassed about it. But my 10-year-old daughter still often jumps in with me: it's a lovely bonding time in the bubbles."
For those who regularly bathe together, it's all about encouraging body acceptance. Jade T, who has a 2-year-old, said: "I bathe with her, if she asks me to. My view is that it's just a body and, by hiding it away, we make it dangerous and unknown, and I want my child to know that bodies are normal and come in all shapes and sizes."
Stacey P, who has 3 kids, ranging in age from 5 to 11, agrees. "We rarely actually bathe together," she said, "but we're comfortable with our bodies and have an open-door policy on our bathroom – so if our kids wanted to hop in our bath, then they could."
One thing that does influence the age cut off pretty significantly is, of course, the size of your bath: lots of our parents pointed out that, once their kids hit 2 or 3 years old, there wasn't room in the tub for everyone anyway!
What the expert says
Educational psychologist Naomi Burgess was really pleased when we got in touch with her on this one: it's such an important topic, she said.
"Our society is so riddled with contradictions about female and male bodies, it makes it difficult to consider the question of parents bathing with kids.
"While each of us has our own personal views, my motivations as a psychologist are that I want children to grow up to accept their bodies as their own – to know and understand what is private and not private, and to never be ashamed of their own body.
"So I would say, before you make any decision, do consider how you would like your child to perceive and respect other people's bodies and how, later on, you'd like them to feel as teenager in the maelstrom of adolescence and young adulthood.
"It's such a seemingly simple topic, this one, but it can lead to a lot of soul-searching!"
Pic: Getty Images
About our expert educational psychologist Naomi Burgess
Naomi is a Registered Practitioner with the Health Professions Council and is a Chartered Member of the British Psychological Society. She has a PGCE and a Masters degree in Educational Psychology from the University Southampton. She works across 5 different education authorities in England, teaching and lecturing in Psychology, Educational Psychology and Special Educational Needs.
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Authors
Tara is mum to 1 daughter, Bodhi Rae, and has worked as Content Editor and Social Media Producer at MadeForMums since 2015
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